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Course - Confidence for Women in Leadership

Source: Welcome to Confidence for Women in the Workplace

  • You’re responsible for creating the confidence you want
  • Knowledge is not POWER - Only Action is power
    • action brings brain into the experience and allows to grow confidence by building habits
  • welcome feeling uncomfortable and challenged at first. This discomfort is totally normal
  • Confidence is built in the DisComfort Zone (hunch: Comfort Zone model)
  • Segway: Take action with this course

The Truth about Confidence

6 core elements of confidence

  • Attitude
    • the way you approach a topic
    • when did you feel a high confidence
    • change your attitude towards confidence and truly belief that you can be a confident woman … then you will be
  • Confidence is a Belief
    • in own abilities
    • in that you can learn new skills (Mindset)
  • Specific
    • to certain areas (that we know we can do). What are these?
    • no-one is confident all the time
  • confidence is a Skill
    • you can learn and master this behavior
    • key to unlock many other things in your life
  • is a Choice
    • it is your choice … noone just gives that to you
    • it must be a conscious decision by you … your choice and commitment to building confidence
  • is a Habit
    • establish to follow same processes for growing and working with confidence. This makes it easier.
    • untangle wrong habits that lowers the confidence. Kill low confidence habits

When do you feel most confident? Think of activities in your life your are currently confident doing - things that you know you can do. It could be a sport, a craft or maybe a skill within your career.

  • write that down and learn the you have confidence in you

What do you think your life would be like with more confidence? Think about all the things you COULD be doing if your lack of confidence wasn’t getting in the way

[[Course Material#Goal setting]]

3 Myths about confidence

Myth Nr 1: Some people are LUCKY to have confidence

  • lucky has nothing to do with it
  • instead it needs endurance and ongoing dedicated efforts to get it done

    Myth Nr 2: Confidence levels are consistent

  • instead they fluctuate - and being aware of that is important
  • also discover moments/triggers that gave your confidence a hit … stop a downward spiral

    Myth Nr 3: Some people NEVER suffer from low confidence

  • all do

How you manage the moments with low confidence make all the difference.

Powerfully setting your confidence goal and move into action

Stretch, Measurable, Motivates

  • Apply for that promotion
  • Speak up in a meeting
  • Volunteer to be the team leader
  • Network more
  • Ask for more flexibility

Pick one

BTW Excuses are everywhere! Recognize them AND move forward anyway.

The beginning of learning might feel uncomfortable.

What is fear?

  • Beginning - Endings
  • Success - Failure
  • Change - Stuck
  • Future
  • New career - our future if we don’t
  • Decision
  • Living - Dying

What is holding us back from moving forward?

Recognize your fears , work with the fears and don’t allow the fears to run the show.

5 Fear Facts

  • Everyone feel fear
    • being human, helps to survive, we can’t remove it
    • brains react to social threats the same way as to physical pain
  • Fear lives on the Edge of your Comfort Zone
    • if you feel it, you push the boundaries
    • welcome fear and don’t reject that immediately
    • know how to manage fear
  • The more fear you feel, the easier it gets
    • and there is much changing constantly around it .. so we need to adjust to constantly pushing our boundaries
    • feel more fear more of the time
  • Fear is Fear
    • conquering fear in one area of your life will help you to conquer it in other areas too
    • it is the same feeling .. so you can use that to address fear in all situations
  • Only Action conquers fear
    • the more you do the more you achieve the more you grow confidence

Confidence comes from positive doing and achieving. Just do it!

Get comfortable with fear

  • Do one thing every day that scares you - constantly face your fear
  • Become familiar with the feeling of fear
  • take small steps outside your comfort zone (e.g. with a small group, then bigger)
  • e.g riding rollercoasters
  • learn about the role models that inspire you
  • learn to push through your fear

    Be OK with failure

  • people are inspired by the struggle too
    • we can see ourself in them, their wins become our wins
  • failure is part of the game, failure is necessary
  • failure is not about the outcome, but about not even trying
  • it is the courage, the effort, the learning that is most valuable
  • try-fail-learn loop
  • failure is an opportunity to learn and grow

Change your perception of failure.

  • What happened?
  • What did you learn from the experience?
  • How are you going to try again?

[[Course Material#Working with Failure]]

Understanding Self-Doubt

  • we give that too much power
  • if self doubt becomes a habit we need to change that
  • look self-doubt in the eyes - thanks for the interest - and let it go
  • Doubt is just a question to an unknown:
    • Are you sure you can do that?
    • Are you sure this will work out?
    • Is that the decision you really want to make?
  • comes often from emotional part of our brains
  • the voice in our head is often talking rubbish .. trying to keep us safe
  • it is a distortion of our reality
  • what I feel I can do and what I can do are two different things
  • often also used as an excuse
  • your limits told are not your limits
  • find a way to interrupt the self doubt spiral

Reflect our your self-doubt:

  • What is one thing you’ve achieved in the past, that your self-doubt told you couldn’t do?
  • What is your self-doubt currently telling you you can’t do, in relation to the confidence goal you set earlier?

Taking control of your negative thinking

  • Learn how to manage negative thoughts
  • Positive thought needs much more re-inforcements
  • interrupt automatic negative thoughts
  • 80% of our 60000 thoughts a day - so 50000 a day are negative
  • change the habit … build new super-highways
  • positive thinking is a conscious choice
  • we have control over our thoughts .. we need to be intentional to focus on the good things in our life
  • break habit of automatic negative thoughts
    • thoughts are not the truth! … it is just a thought
    • question .. why this though is coming? And is that helpful
    • what would be a better thought instead?
  • monitor your self talk and bring that to the surface
  • they are just thoughts until you belief them
  • the more you chose thoughts the more you will create positive outcomes for yourself

Practical techniques to overcome negative thinking

  • What you say and think determines the reality of your life
  • thoughts creates a field of reference
  • we have a tendency to try to be right on our thoughts and also to find evidence that proves that
    • this also applies to negative thought
  • it starts with your initial thoughts … and you chose these thoughts
  • write down negative thought … AND I know this is not true

T:Reframe your thoughts

  • Identify a negative thought:
    • The negative thought I have is …
    • and I know that is not true
    • My new empowering thought is
  • train that muscle

T:Power Mantras - Positive reinforcement

  • Positive affirmations
  • Repeat positive statements constantly to override negative statements
    • best by speaking aloud
    • repeat over and over again
    • write down over and over again
  • attached are many power mantras

[[Course Material#Power Mantras and Reframing Thoughts]]

Why we care what others think

  • one of the biggest confidence destroyers

    Be aware of your social connections

  • this is a strong need
    • relying on social media and likes is a trap - it is not all there is. Take the good from it
  • people are more drawn to authenticity

    They’re all just opinions

  • they are often thinking about you. And they don’t see through your lense
  • There is not opinion that matters more than yours when it comes to your own life
  • IN MY OPINION

    What we really fear is failing publicly

  • this often stops us from trying
  • think about “presenting on a desert island” to conquer that thought
  • How are THEY anyway

    They are not on the Court

  • You are playing your game on the court. Not them!
  • It doesn’t matter what OTHER people think… ALL that matters is what YOU think and that YOU’RE on the court playing the game.
  • They are not thinking about YOU! Nobody cares that much about you. They much more care about themselves (and mirror their thoughts)

Practical techniques to Care Less What Others Think

Focus on your personal best

  • check in on what you want to belief
  • stop comparing to other woman (you don’t know their full story) - but compare to yourself
    • and learn whom you are comparing to atm

“Everyone is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a then it will live its whole life believing it is stupid.” Einstein

  • know what your goals and your priorities are

    Unsubscribe

  • from all the rubbish … start own personal detox
  • get rid of all the toxic influences that are holding you back
  • connect with people & stories that inspire you and build you up
  • chose your social influencers

In My Opinion

An opinion is a belief or judgement that FALLS SHORT of absolute conviction, certainty or positive knowledge; it is a conclusion that certain facts or ideas are PROBABLY true or likely to prove so.

  • many opinions are not based on facts or solid grounds
  • everybody’s got them
  • we often listen and accept the opinions of others (without them having a solid base)
  • be careful who’s opinions you let in
  • only believe what empowers you … and forget about the rest

Place IN MY OPINION in front of everything someone says … this connects it to you and you can check that belief for yourself. Take power on what you belief.

[[Course Material#In my opinion exercise]]

Four techniques to confidently advance in you workplace

Increase your belief in your abilities, skills, and talents -confidence is just as important as competence

  • build your self belief and back yourself and your true version of yourself and in your abilities
  • express verbal and non-verbal cues
  • skill of confidence you need to work on

    Manage the external influencers

  • especially the negative ones
    • they don’t think about you
    • don’t get blocked by their limiting beliefs
  • your own thoughts matter

    Become the change you want to see

  • get mentor and connect regularly … learn and grow from them
  • learn about the unique perspectives from others

    Truly accept that you deserve where you are

  • people notice your lack of confidence!

5 Powerful techniques to conquer imposter

  • Imposter - cognitive bias were they don’t realize their capabilities (vs. Dunning Kruger - where they overestimate their capabilities)
    • if you suffer from imposter … this likely means you’re already highly capable
  • Believing theses thoughts creates the problem
  • Repeatedly holding back, creates a habit … so be careful and instead show up
  • Try making yourself heard
  • Imposter hates confidence

    Don’t be afraid to ask

  • don’t know, what to know more or wan’t to push back
  • become the most informed person in your workplace

    Nr 1: Be OK with failure

  • learn, grow and adapt
  • get comfortable with failing
  • observe the lesson and move on

    Nr 2: Harness the power of your words and yourself

  • we chose how we want to see the worlds
  • use positive affirmations

    Nr 3: Don’t compare to anyone but you

  • get valuable messages from social media but don’t use that as personal benchmarks
  • get inspired by their journey but don’t automatically see this as your journey

    Nr 4: Fake it, till you make it

  • repeat and practice confidence often enough
  • pretend that you’re
  • do you best to become the most informed person and take most informed decisions

    Nr 5: Have a well book

  • capture anything positive that gets to you
  • open it when in self doubt

How to Stop Comparison, Overthinking and Perfectionism in the Workplace

Comparison

  • all do it
  • apples to oranges when you compare to someone else. They are completely different
  • too many things to compare too … endless list
  • we devalue ourself and lower confidence
  • stop it: be aware of it
    • stay in you own lane!
  • compare to your better self!!
  • inspire yourself and beat your personal best, run your own race - this is a realistic benchmark

    Overthinking

  • it is not thinking too much! It is analyzing by far too much and focussing on the worst case scenarios
  • Question everything include yourself
  • especially woman experiencing relating to their self doubts and don’t give themselves a break with thinking about it
  • stop from thinking about it after the dust settled
  • only action will conquer overthinking
  • confidence will reduce overthinking
  • take action to learn - also from failure
  • think less, do more

    Perfectionism

  • ineffectiveness
  • more does not automatically lead to better results
  • perfectionism does not lead to more success automatically
  • don’t continue working on it, when it is already good enough
  • often set their goal too high
  • you just need to do it
  • use the good enough scale
  • chose the areas you want to focus on
    • chose healthy striving for it
    • others good enough or I don’t really care
      • decide on your level of good enough

[[Course Material#The Good enough scale]]

Break the hesitation loop - How to Confidently Speak Up in Meetings

  • maybe you Second guessed yourself
  • hesitation - stops from raising your hand
  • hesitation loop
    • repeated hesitation
    • terrible loop … training our brains from stopping to raise our hand
    • build a behavior to avoid a “false” social trap
  • your voice has to be heard
  • detrimental aspect on career perspective
  • recognize loop and immediately stop it
    • how do you know it is creeping up?
  • practice courage - a meeting is a good place for that
  • IT IS OK TO FAIL
  • trigger - routine - reward
    • meeting
    • routine - rarely contribute
    • reward - being more safe
    • — break the routine
    • set goal to change routine before the meeting starts: I’ll raise my hand
      • so get yourself out of the automatic behavior
  • change purpose of your statements from I perspective to WE perspective … for the good of others. Especially women strive on the WE. So focus on the others need. How can I help others with what I have to say?
  • stay focussed and on task in the meeting
  • don’t go of topic and make comments distinct and focussed
  • your contribution is unique

Creating the Confidence to Present to an Audience

  • expect fearful feelings to arrive
  • speaking is a skill one can learn
  • stop the conversation in your head
  • take care of your field of reference and your thoughts before, during and after
    • !brain is looking for proof of your thoughts
    • e.g. how people might respond
    • about your preparation
    • SO - think the right thoughts
  • prepare to deal with audience energy - have strategies in place beforehand
    • e.g. for lack of engagement … has e.g. nothing to do with you
    • do let your head start a negative conversation
    • you have no clue what is going up in their others mind
    • don’t let others distract you
  • look for engaged anchors in the audience
    • eye contact, straight in their chairs, little nods
  • identify how you communicate with more than just words
    • listen to your audio only - hear the sounds
    • then watch your visual only - body language, standing position, your movements
    • audio + visual to get the full presentation
  • confidence for public speakings builds up over time … push through the fearful feeling
  • understand what fears show up and how you can recognize them. Become comfortable with the fears
  • always know your content!!
  • ensure it is appropriate for your audience
  • talk positively to yourself (especially prior to the event)
    • You are are prepared
    • You’ve go this
  • breathe!
    • before take a walk and breath deeply
  • use power posing
  • reframe nerves as excitement
  • remember the audience truth - don’t apologize
  • remember - this first minute is the hardest. So practice that a lot
  • meet the audience beforehand if possible
    • enter room earlier
    • connect with people
  • smile! conveys confidence, and brings yourself in a good mood
  • put your best food forward - clothing, freshness

How to Network as a Confident Woman

  • master the ability to talk to strangers
  • be prepared
    • mentally - everyone is a stranger until you meet them
    • address fear of talking too much, not liking you, be not good enough
    • have basic communication starters at hand
      • think about type of attendees (who, from where, interests)
      • think about potential topics
      • what project? How long? Are you binge watching any shows?,…
  • be intentional
    • they likely are as nervous as you
    • who to you want to be in that moment? Chose to be an active participant
    • take control over the situation
    • project which person you want to be
    • be intentional about speaking to others, having a great time
  • be yourself
    • best confidence boost, because you don’t need to hold up a facade
    • we love authenticity
  • it takes practice!
    • start working on them also in your (private) social environment
    • start small and make an effort to connect with someone else
  • what can I do to make this conversation more comfortable for them … again WE … help others and being valuable and helpful
  • look for the ones looking for connections … this build a good baseline experience
    • help others feel included and accepted
  • [[Your Network Is Your Net Worth]]

Confident Body Language

  • body language - first thing others notice
    • affects how others treat you
  • small changes make a big difference
  • walk with purpose and determination
  • lift your chest and chin, know your power points and lift it up
  • keep your shoulders back
  • IDEA: use body position changes
  • bounce on your feed
    • plant them firmly on the ground and turn to them
  • be mindful of your facial expressions
  • watch your hands
    • don’t point and cross arms
    • arms confident and relaxed
    • have a firm handshake,
  • look in their eyes
    • respect, eagerness
    • look in eyes, nose, mouth and repeat
  • use Power Poses
    • 2 minutes can change your confidence levels
    • higher levels of testosterone and cortisol
    • 15’
    • the wonder woman pose
    • energized and confident
    • START
  • practice and master that

TED Talk about body language

Choosing Your Confident Woman Role Model

  • can be familiar or far away
  • skill set based, behavior based
  • look for the personality and skills you want to master
  • look for others who mastered that already
    • learn from their path of mastering it
  • IF SHE CAN … THEN I CAN mindset
    • it should a little more reflect to your own experience
  • look over to and NOT up to
    • your are not less then them
  • find out what it is you admire about her?
  • what would she do?
  • be a role model

[[Course Material#Chose a Role model]]

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