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How to talk to Anyone - Bib Notes


  • a smile can make the difference in whether or not you win someone over
  • steady eye contact to gain respect and affection
  • greet someone the first time like they were an old friend - with a warm smile and body full toward them (indicated undivided attention)
  • highlight commonalities you have
  • drop “ums” and use empathizers instead - like:
    • “That was the right thing to do”
    • “I see why you did that”
  • adopt the powerful words we and us
    • convert “What do you think about the new mayor?” to ”How do you think we’ll do with the new mayor?”
  • give praise indirectly e.g. by having a third party delivering it
    • if directly then include it in a casual remark
    • better to praise immediately
  • enrich your vocabulary
  • have some relevant quotations handy (so capture more quotes in Obisidan)
  • have a strong entrance: Before entering, pause at the doorway and give the room a scan.
  • Gestures: adopt and open and inviting posture with your palms facing outward


  • a smooth introduction gets a good conversation going
  • request if from a friend or host
  • have an icebreaker that makes it easy for people to get in contact with you. E.g. A special wearable
  • make introductions with including one/two interesting facts
  • observe how they are speaking and responding and how their gestures look like … and do the same (connected with pacing and building rapport)
  • be confident in what you say and engage with a positive attitude
  • know who in the group has a great story and give that person a proper introduction

Small talk

  • prepare for inevitable questions:
    • Where are you from?
    • What do you do?
  • embed an interesting fact or anecdote in your answer
  • be a good listener and put the spotlight on your partner
    • e.g. by repeating the last thing they said (reminds me off active listening and paraphrasing)
  • avoid: revealing a secret unless the person is already impressed by you

In relationships

  • be patient and allow them to complain and get out of their system
  • don’t leave a conversation hanging
  • sometimes things are best left unsaid
  • consider the art of favor
    • don’t ask someone to drop everything right now to do you a favor right now
    • don’t ask immediately for something in return (reminds me of Give-give-get from [[Your Network Is Your Net Worth]])
    • be thankful and appreciative

Sounding professional

  • cut to the chase and be direct (connect to time to attention)
  • tell the client what you do for them (instead of just mentioning your job title)
  • reveal commonalities naturally embedded in a conversation
  • avoid cliches
  • Instead of asking “What do you do?” ask “How do you spend most of your time?”
  • separate business and leisure
    • no business before dessert is finished
    • on parties - keep is light and make a separate appointment for more serious discussions
  • be transparent about how you and the client benefit
  • be the first one to applaud or speak up

Prepare for meetings

  • bush up your business jargon
  • picture yourself smiling, making eye contact and practicing positive body language

Phone skills

  • instead of nodding do “I’m so happy to hear that”, “Please continue”
  • use their name more frequently
  • ask if it is a good time to talk


  • touching your face when you talk - it makes you seem less credible


  • related book [[Your Network Is Your Net Worth]]
  • [[How To Talk To Anyone 92 Little Tricks - By - Leil Lowndes]]
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