Active Listening Superpower

• people want to be understood and accepted
• By listening intensely, a negotiator demonstrates empathy and shows a sincere desire to better understand what the other side is experiencing
• Listening is the cheapest, yet most effective concession we can make
• when individuals feel listened to, they tend to listen to themselves more carefully and to openly evaluate and clarify their own thoughts and feelings
• Tactical Empathy. This is listening as a martial art
• Reveal surprises
• We are easily distracted. We engage in selective listening, hearing only what we want to hear, our minds acting on a cognitive bias for consistency rather than truth
• Most people approach a negotiation so preoccupied by the arguments that support their position that they are unable to listen attentively
• sole and all-encompassing focus the other person and what they have to say
• disarm your counterpart. You’ll make them feel safe. The voice in their head will begin to quiet down
• goal is to identify what your counterparts actually need (monetarily, emotionally, or otherwise) and get them feeling safe enough to talk and talk and talk
• making it about the other people, validating their emotions, and creating enough trust and safety for a real conversation to begin
• too much in a hurry, people can feel as if they’re not being heard and we risk undermining the rapport and trust we’ve built.
• Negotiation is not an act of battle; it’s a process of discovery. The goal is to uncover as much information as possible
• Discovery emotions (to later label them) by watching and listening, keeping your eyes peeled and your ears open, and your mouth shut
• empathy is “the ability to recognize the perspective of a counterpart, and the vocalization of that recognition.”
• As they talk, imagine that you are that person
• A wealth of information from the other person’s words, tone, and body language. We call that trinity “words, music, and dance.”
• by acknowledging the other person’s situation, you immediately convey that you are listening
• Sometimes the only way to get your counterpart to listen and engage with you is by forcing them into a “No.” [[The power of NO]]
• Carl Rogers, who proposed that real change can only come when a therapist accepts the client as he or she is
• Minimal Encouragers: Besides silence, we instructed using simple phrases, such as “Yes,” “OK,” “Uh-huh,” or “I see,”
• discovered that liars tend to speak in more complex sentences in an attempt to win over their suspicious counterparts
• use of pronouns by a counterpart can also help give you a feel for their actual importance in the decision and implementation chains
• One can only be an exceptional negotiator, and a great person, by both listening and speaking clearly and empathetically; by treating counterparts—and oneself—with dignity and respect; and most of all by being honest about what one wants and what one can—and cannot—do

Linking

• Source: [[Raz-Never Split the Difference]]
• MOC Negotiations
• Personal Systemic Coaching
• Combine with [[Mirroring]]
• Combine with [[Empathy]]
• Combine with [[Behavioral Change Stairway Model]] and its component of Active Listening
• Combine with [[Paraphrasing]]
• Combine with [[Calibrated questions]]

• Combine with [[Negotiator types]]

• Look for more information about Carl Rogers

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